oh it has just became clearer that , i think im very unlovable.
There are about 10 things that you can't stand about me. Fantastic! I've just tricked another person into falling in love with me..depep deep!haha.
eh dar, i think you were funnier last time. i think i like u then.
yeah i think you were more demure and less irritating.
*rolls eyes* ok i'll put down my leg.(we were in the park eating Macs.)
Maybe im used to your humour already.
Im used to you being irritating too.
Sounds bad.
Well you can either take it or leave it(dont you just feel like killing him?)
So what else don't you like about me?
Think you're too whiney sometimes.( ha, you're damn right about this.)
Then what else?(suddenly all the shit is coming out!)
I can't stand your attitude problem.( i can't stand it too.)
And your
xiao jie pi qi.
huh?
When we bite fight , you lose, you
buay song.
ok.
That was the gist. That was enough too. Flawed enough. But it only get's more and no less. Ha. Ah well, i think there's something i didn't know about myself , which was that i had a
xiao jie pi qi. I accept the whining and attitude problem. Everyone has an attitude so it only depends how it's dealt with. Whining.. it's
more or less a girls thing.Really..i've confirmed it with 3 people..and a guy told me that, 'guys whine too!' . Lianne told me exactly the same thing! So i think im normal despite how abnormal this sounds. Perhaps the girls who'd crossed his path are just not as whimpy as i am. So to him, i just seem to shed more negative characteristics.
Sometimes i cannot help but feel the usual
xim peh in me being activated. It's this unexplainable feeling which lingers. It makes you feel like the most unbecoming girlfriend/friend/daughter/sister. Then the feeling evolves to become one which you tell yourself to become more careless so that the others in your life shall feel less strangled by your very own actions. I need a breather, they say. This is the stage that im going to put myself through. Trying to be more careless, quit bothering myself with things i shouldn't , in the process, i hope to make mysef more lovable . Wait,doesn't it sound a tad bit wrong? Tell me about it. Tell me what is good for me, wouldn't you? I don't wana be in this state of beguilement anymore. You make me see through myself, through all the rosy and peachy everyone think me to be.Now, I've become more menial than i thought.
Oh yeah, im not the most expressive person alive. More often than not, whatever that is transformed into speech seem to hit the wrong note. Maybe all the attitude is often misinterpreted? Maybe attitude is shown for a reason not too obvious. Maybe sometimes, we should realise that, faults do not always lie with the other person? Maybe, we just do not see the faults in ourselves because we cannot bear to humble down? Because we have an ego bigger than our hearts can accommodate? We REFUSE to
por the other person just for that bit just because
por-ing is just not our cup of tea. We are too quick to say, ' i hate it when..' and stomp away with all the pride you can possibly find in you. Then what's next? I could do a hundred things right and one thing wrong. But because of the outstanding one event, i can hardly redeem myself from what good there is left. Just like how we could do a hundred things wrong and one thing right, yet others will magnify the hundred things and the one thing? It'll be swept below the carpet.
Tragic enough? No. Life is as difficult as it gets.
Im sorry Joanne.
