the echo loft

Staring at the mirror and looking at its reflection, of the same stressed up person, is an epitome of pain.

I know i cannot verbally tell you how this feels.
I know i cannot bring myself to dwell in this load which i hold.
I know i cannot tell you all these.
Im your opposite of an optimist.

Cos its the point whereby the excessive complaints in your lifetime is nothing out of the ordinary.
Cos its nothing out of the norm, no one really gives a shit to what you have to say.
Cos what you have to say, sounds very much like what you have been saying.

I feel so compelled to do all things right that i lose focus in what i really need to accompolish.
I care too much about the future that i neglect the present. But i cant mould the future, only the present. Yet, if i focus too much on the future, i will end up losing both the present and the future such that im neither here nor there.







With incoherence, i'll like to go to bed.

Posted by Joanne at 01:45 | Permalink

If there were more thoughts put into justifying my midterm grade, i should be happy.
But because in relative to something known as a bell curve, and knowing that you are probably nothing more than bottom average, its a horrible feeling.
And because you know you need a rocket high CAP to pull up what miserable currents you have,my world just crumbled a little on my feet.

Just a little.
Because i still have the strength to carry on.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

Posted by Joanne at 17:22 | Permalink

Quite honestly, I used to think that a small CG was gona be nothing more exciting than boring. Now, I cannot be more grateful that i am a proud member of tuesday CG with 2 creative CGLs who incorporates interesting activities albeit a tad bit silly. The message got across to me point blank clear so, why not?

Every tuesdays after 8 pm, i see many things the way i never really thought about. I thought about people i never really thought i would care about. I thought about the meaning of living a life for others and not myself. I could have thought of a lot more things but i know that many of them remain very much as unspoken thoughts.

Then we shared. We shared about out lives as a community. This is where it ALWAYS touches me the most yet i know i am mostly very unwilling to be as open as i should be.And i could only blame it on my pride,which by the way, sucks. By pride, im not generally referring to 'proud pride' but it's more of how people judge. But, im constantly reminded that most of the time, we judge ourselves more than how other people judge us. Yet, i still cannot bring myself to share a little more. At times, i feel inadequate at CG. I feel like i have a million things to say but they cant seem to go beyong my lips. Why?

Mostly, i take a long time to find anything relevant to say.I do not seem to be encountering Christ-like moments in my daily life. Perhaps, i have not done enough self recollection that every single thing on my mind is so secular. Is that attributing to all the fuzziness? Or could it be, im just damn pressured to say something even though i really have nothing to say and im just imagining that i have a million things to say?

I say, it is both.

Nonetheless, CG keeps my life in place. It's not only spiritually, but really, i might have been a very lousy person without this building block of my vulnerable life.

Posted by Joanne at 02:06 | Permalink

Incompetency is when you are sitting at spinellis with 4 people aggressaively studying within 2 meters of your circumference and here i am feeling very vexed doing my online research.It'll be good if i just put an end to drifting in and out of shopping websites, synthesizing thoughts of ' should i spend 19USD on this'..'should i get a COACH wallet' and 'i wana watch the movie which i read the book almost 3times'.

Alright more to the point, i am trying to tap upon the exhaustible knowledge which i have to dish out some crap.All these for the glory of my 10% on IVLE about 'why women are dominant in Public Relations , more so than men? '. Yes i know this sounds like an academic suicide to be doing it for the cause of 10% and conveniently ignore the 'passion' i might remotely have for the module.

I rather deal with ethical issues of PR(for the obvious reason that i am mostly ethical!)Some see public relations professionals as manipulators of the public mind, rather than conveyors of truth. Worse, some have low regards for PR personnel becausee, too often our conduct falls short of the code. Spin substitutes for truth. Fabricated perception substitutes for reality. Victory substitutes for success. No doubt that PR ethical issues is a very heated debate since it lies in grey shadings.

Thing is, im sorry but i find it minimally intelligent to articulate something like women are more socialable in response to my question.blah.


ah after blabbering so much nonsense on issues of total irrelevance to my focus, i need help on my present question.

you're helping me right?

Posted by Joanne at 17:20 | Permalink

To my new Boss, with love.

Posted by Joanne at 00:46 | Permalink

Deservedly spent money, just that, i cannot take better pictures without a tripod in the dark! Im not head over heels fan of Wu Bai or Zhang Zhen Yue for that matter, but for someone who used to only listen to Jay Chou and think nothing more of chinese music, im definitely a changed person. I no longer rely on my Miss Lim or my good ole' male classmates for chinese music. I buy 'em! READ: BUY. If there was one thing i could thank NY for, that would be , cultivating my love for chinese music! Seriously, it's difficult not to love 'em when you're in NY.=)

By the way, im impressed with MC Hotdog! Wah, he's gotta be a helluva good rapper.
我愛台妹!

Watch it

Posted by Joanne at 00:11 | Permalink

Finally, i tried my hands on prawn fishing! For my infantry fishing trip, it was definitely a satisfactory catch! Mr Kampong boy was unbelieveably skilled, i secretly had my jaw dropped moments. heh. Alright, not much of a secret anymore.

We spent $14 for an hour of anxiety,patience(or maybe lack of it!),pseudo-affliction by the prawn's legs and much bewilderment . Pretty well spent considering that we caught 6 prawns and they were amazingly, fresh. =) Besides, the sun was not scorchingly hot. Sunny yes, but it was the optimum comfortable temperature for a hot day.Get my drift eh?

Ah, since i am a klutz, i committed a fishing crime!Kampong boy might have wanted to throw me into the pond! Apparently, the sua ku me didn't know there is actually a net which you can hook by the side of the pond to keep your catch. See, we caught our third prawn and i was assigned to take the net off the hook, open up and drop the prawn in. But the net accidentally slipped off my hands and fell into the pond! PANIC! Wouldn't that mean the 2 prawns in the net would swim away!? I was depressed and he, so disgusted that he probably regretted bringing me out on a fishing trip! Fortunately, he's disaster trained(everyone should be,esp if u know me!ha) . The pond was not as deep as we thought. After 5mins of disaster, he managed to scoop the net up with the rod. *gasp* Just that , 3/4 of his arm was soaked in smelly salty green water. =p

With our fruitful catch, we bought bbq food home for dinner to complement the prawn dish which we he cooked. Almost 200ml of Martell went to waste , thanks to his great idea to cook drunken prawns!! They tasted very fresh but definitely not your usual drunken prawns! The prawns were not thoroughly marinated by the alcohol due to the lack of time. 15mins was all that we had to cook since we were rushing off to a concert!

Nonetheless, great fun!
It's rare that someone catches your food and prepare it for you =)

Posted by Joanne at 01:42 | Permalink