the echo loft

When you choose aesthetic value over practicality, you get a sad Joanne.
ibook is a fantabulously beautiful lappie with the prettiest gadgets yet at the same time it drives the owner here bananas because she's trying to figure out howta watch a burnt VCD on an ibook . Anyone would like to help her? There's a reason why the word 'Bimbo' is found in the dictionary.*bish* I have this capability to publicly humilate myself and still take pride in it! ha. Self Worth is more than this!

Stairway to Heaven is addictive enough for me to be rewatching almost every episode. Im just so lucky to own the whole collection thanks to the boy.He's a certified as a legal pirate! (like real!) The PC had to be down at this time on the last day of 2005. How annoying can technology be. It's just not helping that im clueless about watching my show on this ibook either.*gasp* Help!

Since i am enjoying the last 4am of 2005, i shall jus stop complaining for once. Ah boy is in deep slumber now but i am an evil girlfriend with an evil intention of wanting to wake him up to talk with me through the last night of this year.Dumb right.Oh well, school's gon hit back to soon so its not like im gon be staying up at 4am for the rest of next sem. Im overly kind to myself during term time. Should i wake him up? (yesyes!) But he's unwell you evil girl. (but...)

Supper was exceptionally good tonight.That place is so up. I hereby declare my love for Oxtail Soup at Bukit Timah Road.You know how im semi vegetarian but i reallyreally swear by that soup! Despite all the spice and sausage lips aftemath, i loved it.To think of it, my tolerance for spicyness is improving by the days. Time to match up to the people around me! Soon, i'll be numbed to my sausage lips and be proud that it likening Angelina Jolie's lips!*dreams* Ah well..supper was just more than supper itself.

It wasn't just the food.The drive home and the talks we had was a joy.You know how a couple gets on the topic of the 'chasing' period of their relationship..and they start to find faults with the current state that you are to them? Get my point ? Think.."you used to sms me even b4 i reached my hme..". Just think along all the "you use to..."! It never ends! But its thinking through all these and looking back at the past 2 mths that you realise relationships evolve rather quickly and that you might tend to overlook many things after the official get together. Alright maybe it's just me cos im not a perfect lover but i still think there's a lot of truth in what i've said. The magic phrase here which i can think of is "taking for granted". How natural a process things always get directed to. Im not saying that its generic for everyone after 2 months, but i dare say that it eventually is.

Fret not though. For someone who thinks & reflects,although at times a bit too much and redundantly,im still very much rational and do not wish to live by the magical phrase.Right now, there's a sudden intense appreciation and gratefulness for what's in my possession. Im dying to tell my personal Brad Pitt that,

" It's more than just wonderful loving you and im wishing to melt into your embrace instantly."

Posted by Joanne at 03:45 | Permalink

Half Way There


It was a bitter-sweet feeling.
more bitter?
not quite.
sweet?
A good mix of happiness,not sweetness.
*shrugsshrugs*
Exs haf this power to make you feel 'half way there'


I saw her.

Posted by Joanne at 03:17 | Permalink

It's when Self-Centeredness gets the better of me that i realise once again how much i suck as a person. I cannot give an illustration of this stinking lil trait which i believe i own ,it wouldn't have made sense.Something called self rationalisation made me aware that i actually am so.

Looking at my reflections, I See myself..
..irritated out of the blue from time to time.
..sink into depression whenever i feel like it.
..predictable yet incomprehendable.
..frustrated without a legitimate cause
..capable of self-induced annoyance.

See what i mean by Self-Centeredness.
Everything is about myself. So much about having a big heart and compromising.Lying too much to oneself is how detrimental to personal development.If only i could get that into my head. I hate people who are full of themselves. Loving yourself through self expression of narcissism and being full or youself is different. I am narcissistic and i don't think that's being full of myself.

Get what i mean?
Self Centered, young girl.

I could've told you.
Your Cherries made a world of a difference to my heart.
i didn't cos i have too much pride.
But you know,I'll always be subservient in my own ways.

Love.
it'll never get enough.

Posted by Joanne at 14:17 | Permalink

Peaceful, Quiet Christmas. Simplicity spells happiness

Merry Merry Blessed Christmas !

Christmas feels over-commercialized and hyped up in a tropical country. It's all about Presents and Christmas shopping. What happened to the Carols and Home-style street Parties where everyone get together to decorate Christmas trees,stuff Turkeys,bake and burn down Kitchens tgt ! Maybe i've been celebrating christmas in Singapore my whole life that's why. In recent years, they just feel the same. Every Christmas I've spent has been special in their own ways but the element of surprise, excitement and anticipation is dying off. Then again, no matter how transient such elements are,there's always attending Midnight Mass with mummy & daddy.This is here to stay. Afterall, Christmas is all about the birth of Christ and not my Santa Claus stockings stuffed with gifts or hoping that under my xmas tree, there's gon be diamonds. I've gathered that Christmas is for the rich in Singapore for its over-commercialised. Diving myself in the snows of Alaska or North Pole sounds very much like a budget white christmas. ( Ignore the airfares part, let me pretend i was born there.) I would love to have a white christmas. Join me?

Anyhow, it sounded like a morbid and disasterous xmas for me eh?
Nope. It was a Peaceful, Quiet Christmas. Simplicity spells happiness =) Nothing near boring too. You know how i like things simple? yup. It was really sucha simple affair that I get this "let this day go on forever" feeling. It's really not about spending ALOT of money. It's just soaking up the silence and spending the day together with ok in my case it was darrlixir in the day and my big family in the night.

What about the Day? hmm..steamboating in his house was way cool! Never have I had so much mushrooms! It's better than the mushroom madness at NYDC. Preapration of food was the fun ..from choosing which alcohol to marinate our meats to looking for Chicken Broth. haha. His house has more than a lifetime supply of alcohol i think. It's kinda like a mini DFS! It felt a bit domesticated when i was in the kitchen but i like to do this kinda things..ONCE IN AWHILE.haha. There's still a taitai mission in every girl!

Night was Grandma's Bday Party! It was intimdating to see so many people especially when i made my grand late arrival.There was still alotalotalot food when i reached just that i was too well fed earlier on hence i just wenta make my presence. Ah mah had 2 birthday Cakes! A log Cake and a very pretty Birthday Cake. Don't laugh but I havn't landed my tongues on a loggie before. Loggies make me a happy girl.They look so..lovely! Had a tiny slice for breakfast this morning. So sinful..if only there was a button that i could press to stop myself from eating/pigging.I swear i am fatter than mr cheng! Really ok. Even my mum says he is a small boy.

Time to get ready for a day's out with Mummy and Meatloaf!
I know they like my company so i decided to allow them to date me out.
They can see the better of me, i know.
If only they knew im actually so filial and I do set time for them too.
If only i could stop hearing, " When i go to work, i see you on the bed.When i am home, i don't see you."
Then again, parents are like that.
Im just another daughter who loves to complain. =)

But i love them.
So much.

Posted by Joanne at 12:51 | Permalink

It's not the end of the world.
It's just the end of my world.

Crying without voice is such an art.

My throat.
It hurts so much.
But what could hurt more than my heart.

Posted by Joanne at 13:30 | Permalink

Let me disappear from this surface.
Now?

It's not like im brilliant or was born one.
but thoughts have it that i could make it up with my character.
Disappointingly, that sucks too.
So im back to trying to be brilliant.
But it just won't work.
Trying is always difficult because you start off with your least.
Trying CAN be easy if you'd approached it right.
Really?
How cliche.
Living in the same world and returning as ashes.
so you think We're all the same?
But We're not equal.
Make me comprehend that.

my point?
I just don't feel like doing anything else..ANYMORE.

Its not like my continued rantings will change the world. It's not like the world is gona listen to me. It's more like, will anyone listen to me? Perhaps. Sometimes, the person who could listen to u, has their ears closed to you.Maybe they're not closed but even if you wished they were the person you could confide in, you just don't want ? If i don't make sense, you're probably too smart for me. You're so close to me,yet there are just some things , they are better left unsaid.

i just dowan anyone to be affected by my fucked up mood.
Happiness is very unheard of when it comes to me.
Not exactly unheard but you know, its rare, k abit more than unheard but less than rare.
Figure that out.
I can be happy and sad simultaneously.
Living contradiction.
Why? I thought I was more blessed than this.
Why is it that, i always do not get what i want?
WHY THE HELL ARE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE.
Just a little bit more.
A little.
Why ?

Some tears are trapped in the heart.
They never reach the eyes.
It makes me wonder if those are even tears at all?
Why is it that it's so difficult to cry?
Yet at the same time, my mind is telling me that you need to get some emotions outta ya.
But what emotions is there to speak of if you cant express it.
If you can't even do it,who else?

It's when i need comfort the most that i don't need it.
They are only words,
That could heal only the heart,
which i could deal with with time.

Im not being cynical.
Think about it.

Posted by Joanne at 12:17 | Permalink

Home Based because..
I FEEL UNWELL ALL OVER.literally.
This sucks! i wana maximise what's left of my holidays!
I want to get out with Darr today.
I want to get out with my babies and The Baby for K-lunch tmr!
I want I want I want!
I must.

Since im so bored, I shall pen down my wishlist for
Christmas 2005/New Year 2006/20th Bday
Whatever occassion it is. =)

-More Heels! The right height.
-Abercrombie Tshirts or Hollister for School use.
-Osim Slim belt.
-More nice tshirts for school!
-tons of Earrings from SIX, esp green ones.
-Adobe Photoshop for MAC computers.(pirated oso can!)
-Fitness Membership at Cali.(actualli i just wana go YOGA)
- nice gym bag from NIKE,ADIDAS or PUMA.
-Lifetime supply of Strawberries.
-Flawless complexion..(ok very unlikely but..its a wish!)
-Still want to see a rainbow in the dark
-Fireworks everyday!
-Tooth whitener.
-more casual dresses!
-shoulder sling bag.(i duno what its called.its leather.Sth like what Nic has)
-Victoria Secret's Bra (every women feels confident with nice Bra)
-A Face Massager
-A new Handphone(anything tt works better than my current phone)
-New Oven for baking!
-someone pls fix my jigsaw puzzle for me?


Brain Blocked.Too short a list.
I'll update it when need be.
I think what i need is moolah.

Money is such a strange thing.
I need it.
Though i CAN live without it.
Strange eh?

Posted by Joanne at 18:11 | Permalink

Singapore Zoo for us on 17th Dec which makes that last Sat. My sorta busy schedule has caused this delayed Joy sharing moments. Hee. Anyhow, Zoo was so magical! My last visit was one of those primary school excursions.Outings which i found myself bearing thoughts like.."another BORING excursion to the zoo.." This time, it's obviously different! What i deem obvious may not necessary be obvious to ya but it's the company, coupled with my increased desire to learn more about my primates..sorta. Biodiversity is amazing when you discover them together with fun pple! ok person i mean. =) I still think the Singapore Zoo is very over priced despite all the good things said about the Zoo. Firstly, We spent $72 on admission ALONE. That explains why i am here to narrate my experience cos i haf no more moolah to get out! Did i tell you i spent more money feeding the animals than myself? Not kidding. Elephant Feeding was both intriguing and saddening for my wallet.A basket of 4 bananas & an apple for $5!Then again, it's all part of fun so im happy. Besides, elephant is one of my favourite animal! Not like i would visit the zoo anytime soon.Both of us have an ambition to play tourist.haha.I mean..its me but yeah i induced it upon him. =)

It sure feels like my blog has become a blogalbum.
See right, joy needs to be conveyed both in memories and more tangible things like photos. Here they are!


Looking at the pictures, where am i? I couldn't find pictures of myself! I only haf one picture of myself. Time to steal it from the boy's camera! I better hope his camera is full of me since mine is full of him! =)

Posted by Joanne at 16:01 | Permalink

I gathered it's getting increasingly difficult to understand people who belong to another generation. Either that or I've changed so drastically from the all-loving and understanding person. Then again, i was never able to tolerate the habitual naggings here in this corner of Singapore. *shrugs*

Actions speak louder than words.

My actions haven't been all that acceptable in her eyes.Ironic how it's my holidays now yet when i get out, things just seem very interrupted by my mother. You know, she's not to be blamed for her overly protective and concerned self. I just wished that..she could trust me 2 folds more.That'll be really nice.

I will not keep my boyfriend as a secret because i don't believe in hiding. ILying is just dumb and i do not see a point in doing so. In the first place, she's more open minded than this. So what's the problem now? Well, simple. She is living in her little world of the past. Someone needs to erase that memory of hers. Will she ever accept that i am happily in love now and that she should stop bringing up the fluking past?

Again,my room mate struck a bit of sense into me.Maybe i should really start having family dinners on weekdays and i should make my presence at home by 11pm . So actions really speak louder than words. Curfew for a girl 2mths short of being 20. How am i suppose to take that? I must admit i haven been home early but she didn't use to take so much offence in it. Things would have been different if the guy i was with was the delusional character in her mind.

Whatever.
I am suppose to be the nice and docile Joanne.
I am.
she just don't see it from MY perspective.
and i am suppose to see it from HER perspective.

It's my holidays.
Though it feels more like hell when i see it from HER perspective.

Life bites.
It's really hard to be me.

Torn.

Posted by Joanne at 00:19 | Permalink

The boy is sweeter than me!
He's been a great help to my Retreat.
So much more than i was to his bizcom shit.
The boy helped me cut some 100pieces of blindfold.
He came to fetch me with all my baggage accompanied by the fact tt i was having my tri-monthly cramps!
We had oysters at Zen Cafe after which!
Half a dozen for $6 ! How cheap !
I like to get out with budget pple. Especially when there is still so much joy amidst all the budgeting. *beams*
So fun, the little things we do just to squeeze time is sucha wonderfulwonderful feeling.
The little things we do are never boring.
Little things in life..they mean love.
He told me i was PMS-ing . Really?
I don't quite know it..but perhaps it was that.
His reason being, i was violent and fierce.
Woah.But i thought im always like that?=)
Haha..you're in trouble =p


I love you.
Those 3 words, have my life in them. =)

4days of Darren-less is so detrimental to the state of my mind.

Posted by Joanne at 02:39 | Permalink

Stress is Therepeutic!
It causes diahorrea.

But God loves me.
I'll pull through.

*winks*

Posted by Joanne at 12:32 | Permalink

because for every thing that i do,
there's a reason.
because for everything that i do,
i will hold responsibility to myself.
because for everything that i do,
it'll only be worthy.
because for everything that i do,
no one will ever be hurt.
because for everything that i do,
i only want to be selfless.
because for everything that i do,
i am 19 and i CAN think and decide for myself.


No Regrets, definitely.
Never, even if my world turns against me.
Im just upset that,
I cannot be the person whom you wana spend unlimited time with.
I cannot.
I cannot.
Why?

You know, i can do anything.
Anything at all.
Now, it only sucks that,
there are actually limits put to my capabilities.

Im so loved.
Much more than i thought i would have been.
I think i like things selfish, sometimes.
You having my full attention.
Love is a wonderful feeling.

My friends are all emotionally disturbed.
Hearts in turmoil.
Desolate and hopelessly in love with someone who will never reciporcate the feeling.
Love suddenly seem so irrational.
Did it have to hurt the pple closest to my heart?
it pained so much to see the tears.
I wished i could make all of you feel better.
But wishes do not come true all the time.

When i miss the boy, i feel like a jelly.
But when the boy misses the girl, we both feel like jellies.
Is that why he likes gummy so much?
Its gona be a week without my dosage
Jelly lovers wil be glad to know i am gona be on sale.
Depression is a word in trend these days.

watch the sunrising in your arms.
play tourist.
picnic.
Kite flying.
cycling.
Just the two of us.

Christmas feels a little different this year.
I don't know if its a positive sign.
I believe that it is a festive jolly lovey season.
and i have all it takes to make it such.
okie maybe i need moolah.But still.
Love is enough to get me going.
Should i extend the invitation to Church?
Maybe i shouldn't.

When we were frens.
I felt happiness growing.
Now that we're significantly belonging to one another,
Im afraid i cannot control the growth!

If i could say something positive about myself now,
It'll be that, Im powerful.
Im finally saying something good about myself
how unusual of the morbid Joanne.
My boy, my reason.

There're jsut some things I feel i cant share with you.
Not that i dont want.
It feels strange telling you.
It feels like i'll bore you out.
I should try but im not.
But if i do, how would you react?


What I need to live has been given to me by the earth.
Why I need to live has been given to me by you
Love does not consist of gazing at each other,
but in looking together in the same direction.
Life seems all beautiful when we are in sync.

Love malfunctioned my heart.
Cos you tok it away.

Posted by Joanne at 00:44 | Permalink

Today, i received superb welfare from Cheng Pte Ltd.
I received a super exotic flower imported from New Zealand!
It's called Eustoma.
Gone are the roses, daisies or sunflowers . Too cliche for me.
My Boss just upped the level.
Darr boy is sucha darling. In a span of 10mins, he rescued me from raffles city toilet with charcoal pills and a flower. *melts*
How sweet is that?
I know i am a sucker for all these but still..girls NEED to be pampered, once in awhile.
Just that i get it more often than an average girl =p


Pretty pretty? Exotic !

Darr boy and I are gon get famous on MTV Asia, i think. Quite a shame seriously. yours truly was SO underdressed and just happened to be lingering in the queue outside DXO with some friends, not intending to club actually. Before i knew it, Denise Keller and her crew came up to me..

Denise & Crew: Flower Flower girl, So who gave you the flowers? So pretty!
Me: *smiles and in SHOCK*
Denise & Crew :So who is it?
Me: erm..my bf?
Denise & Crew : Where is he?
Me: *points to the front where he was 1meter away*
Denise & Crew : I like the flower!y you never give me one too?
Him : You're not my type!
Denise & Crew : So what do you study?
Him : FASS in NUS.
Denise & Crew : why are you here?
Him: queueing up?
Denise & Crew : (whispers and asks darren to say the politically correct ans)
Him: Oh yeah i am here to support my sch.(like real!)

Let's pray and hope they will cut this interview.

Oh, today i found my rat too.=)
The docile rat whom i am in love with.
*muacks*

Posted by Joanne at 12:57 | Permalink

* 2 Charm Bracelets
* Movie@ Cine
* Ichiban Boshi @ Suntec with whole load of Sashimi!
* Laser Dedication
* 2000 Hrs
* The Boy

That's my potion =)
The potion's mine.
All mine.

Posted by Joanne at 01:30 | Permalink

Delayed-dated entry!(Dec 2nd-3rd) Slumber party at Nic's + Sentosa

*kodak moments *





Life felt THAT wonderful.
I love my friends.
and my 3/5 boyfriend! =)

Posted by Joanne at 03:48 | Permalink

Maybe it's just me.
It's been way too long being a gf to someone.
It's been a happy-sad single world .
Life spelled equivalently Me, Myself and I.
Life wasn't fantastic, bad neither.
I sailed through it with a neutral unfeelingness.
Mildly disturbed.
Whatever for?
I really don't know.
It feels like im not trying like you.
It feels like you've opened your doors to me,
yet after i've made my entrance, im both lost in love and confusion.
Im this glad,
but behind such, im more than a whimp.
I fear losing you even before keeping u.
Worries has it that, we cannot paint our lives tgt like u want it.
because im less than you think me to be.
Im undeserving.
i am.
Everything you love about me made me smile.
Smile, an everlasting smile.
The happiness i receive is unexplained.
Its made unexplainable.
Does it feel the same for you too?
you only had to know,
how much i never want to see you go
how much i never want to hurt the love
how much i never want us to quarrel
Never.
You lifted me so high,
can you promise never to cripple the height?
Besause im so accommodating,
it irritates.
Because these are just the flaws you didnt see it looming.
I have too much flaws for my beauty to make up for.
and what if that's really it?
The whisper "I won't" was so real.
love's so real.
love's too real.

perhaps you do not see anything wrong with the girl you're in love with.
the girl in front of you is me.
will u not regret ever ?

I've fallen.
I cannot wait to share my life with u my doll.
you're the best thing that has ever happened.
is it the same for u?

oh well.

Posted by Joanne at 23:59 | Permalink

If i said i hate my family, i'll be lying.

BUT.

I cannot stand living in a house where i am kept away from secrets.
I cannot stand living in a house that i get hostile treatments for no reason.
I cannot stand living in a house that people just condemn you and dont try to talk it out .

COME STRAINGT TO THE POINT.
I WILL ENTERTAIN YOU.

I am gona ignore everyone unless a particular family member talks to me on msn.

You are damn right.
I am pissed.

Posted by Joanne at 01:27 | Permalink

I think, Im quite guilty. No, i AM very guilty. *shrugs*
The whole of this week, i was slumbering everywhere but home. My sister, i haven't seen her for more than 15mins in total. It's already friday and i know i wont be seeing her again tonight. Tomorrow when i get home, i get this feeling it'll be the 6th night of sisterly-love not. It just feels like i am away on a holiday in Singapore while my parents are as well, leaving my poor sis home. Im wondering if she's is pissed with me? Honestly hope she isn't.*sigh* As much as i know she won't complain about me *cross fingers*, i feel that i have a certain responsibility ascribed to myself as well as to her. This sucks.

It doesn't help to have read an email that dad sent from Hanoi asking about me and i only read it TODAY. yes, they are going to land in 15mins time and i just saw the email. The details of the email and the conversations going on between the family made me feel kinda shitty. Like, where is Joanne in the picture? No i am not jealous or all tt childish shit. It's more like, why didn't i even bother to mince a word to them?Why didn't i even ask how they were? Did i tell you, I never want to lose the chance to tell someone i love them just in case it's too late? And i wished i did just that.Like telling my parents," Mummy & Daddy, how are you?I love you, come back soon!"

What the heck. *sigh* ok i have no idea why i am feeling so worked up over myself but hell.. my emotions are getting the better of me and im really neglecting things i shouldn't be. Do i make sense? *shrugs* I really love my sister and i know that i can never be as good a person as she is. There's just this certain respect i have in her. The old wise one.

So guilty. I haven't even buy her & Mum Birthday present.Seems like my mum was right about me..

If there were anything good that happened to me, there'll always be 10 000 evils tt follow. Of cos i've had many good things happening to me in the past week. Mixture of happiness and somewhat confusions?I tend to mess up my own life. Then again, I do not want to talk about it. Not now.

One excitement i have for the moment..
Im gona see my pups and mum shortly!

Posted by Joanne at 18:13 | Permalink