the echo loft

Being the ill-prepared queen that i am, i shouldn't even be making my presence here but i gathered tt i have been subconsiously distracted and very consciously disturbed.Perhaps my avenue of exhausting my emotions here would do module SE1101E good .

Sometimes,i look into ya eyes and find so many reasons to fall in love.
yet somehow i can find myself enough reasons to hold back.
It was like a dream built upon magic.
but if magics were reliably true and real, do i really subscribe to it?
everything falls too nicely into place.
we were made for each other, really?
Did we not find any differences at all?
know what? i don really think i'll find any of such at the moment.
you told me that if i had to think so much, i would miss the process.
but i believe tt if i get to miss the process in exchange for a happier forever,it's worth it.
Afterall, nothing worth doing is ever easy? yes?
cos you're my gravity
and i cannot escape the feeling because it just keeps growing.
can you hear my heart beating?
cos i was dying inside to hold you but i could never bring myself to open the gate to ya. im still afraid and i duno if i'll ever stop being.
i dont know if my insecurities will be here to stay.
i have so many qns running in the thread.
qns i cant even make sense of.
won't you give up loving someone like me?
what if u realise tt u fell for a girl who isn't the girl who made u sandwiches,the girl who opens a candy shop,the girl who did silly nothings and the girl who wanted to see a rainbow in the dark or sunrise in the rain for tt matter?
Whenever i see your face, it feels like i can never stop smiling.
yet,behind all the smiles, im so afraid to tell u, im so insecure about the great little thing we share?
why?
cos i know i can never be as good as what used to belong to you.

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes


but i can only laugh at myself,
for not allowing myself to step out and hold ya in my arms.
whispering..
you're all that mattered.


I am so lost for words.
was i born with insecurities?


but if i held ya hand and let it go,what would become of me?
if i hugged you and told you tt i only wanted to make u feel better each nite,
im only lying to us.
tell me you'll show me the way..
so easily.

Posted by Joanne at 13:39 | Permalink

Seafood at Jumbo Seafood was so numbing for my lips!
I liked the satay! Lean, hot and yummy peanut sauce!*beams*
Pepper crab was so crappy! My poor lips..*pouts*
okie but all's well!
Chilli is good once in awhile? =)

and moving on to ...
Dessert Time at Airport!


Happy Birthday to The Greatest Mum!

Posted by Joanne at 01:06 | Permalink

because it's 26th nov 2005

so i just wanted to behold every moment when the day started.
at 12am.

Posted by Joanne at 00:00 | Permalink

I baked Cornflakes cookies.
oh yeah, it's exams period by the way.
Over my exams, well if i told you im happy,i was probably lying.
Yours truly is waiting for the day that NUS sends her a warning letter to kick her outta sch.
Of late, I happen to feel this foreign feeling about myself.
That, i have emotional polarization.
I can be happy or seemingly happy, yet sad simultaneously.
Like, I cannot decide which part of the continum i SHOULD belong to.
What does that speak of me? *shrugs*

you know,more than half the day has past but i haven open my pencil case.
Disliking myself and its increasingly getting stronger.
Well, If i could make all my friends happy, i guess it'll do me good.
So the Problem is, i can't!It feels rather painful to see them like that.

One last paper which i have absobloodyfuckinglutely no idea how to study for.


I hear you're taking the town again
havin' a good time with all your good time friends
i don't think that you think of me
you're on your own now, and i'm alone and free
i know that i should get on with my life
but a life lived without you could never be right

chorus:
as long as the stars shine down from the heavens
long as the rivers run to the sea
i'll never get over you gettin' over me

i try to smile so the hurt won't show
tell everybody i was glad to see you go
but the tears just won't go away
loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
i know that i oughta find someone new
but all i find is myself always thinkin' of you

chorus

oh, no matter what i do
spending a lifetime to live through
i can't go on like this
i need your touch
you're the only one i've ever loved

chorus
i'll never get over you gettin' over
i'll never get over you gettin' over me


this song is bloody sad and it doesnt help someone who is on emotional polarization..

oh well.

In any case, i made Cornflakes cookies and i am gonna spread the love.
I remembered my sugar this time. *grins*

Posted by Joanne at 15:52 | Permalink

and i thought i could major in english language.

What a big liar i am to myself.

Posted by Joanne at 01:33 | Permalink

screwed eve before my paper.

and i just want to cry.
I hate physical geography.

Posted by Joanne at 18:01 | Permalink

Wished i could make bestie feel better.
I know i can never understand wth Moo is thinking but at the same time, i cannot undstd why anyone wouldn't love my bestfriend? *shakes head* Im sorry but i have a tendency to think that, all my friends are really of the "gf material" sort.Not gaining any commission from this advertisement.Let's hope he will grieve over his lost one day. I mean no evil here,maybe im just bias over the fact that my loved one is hurt.Guess nothing is forever and love will always be transient. Life is anyway.*pouts*

I was just talking to Moohee and i felt like i was suddenly in love all over again.This sounds dumb!Too quick a change for my mood cos i was just ranting abt how my bestie is hurt. Nonetheless, i can sense all the sparks and 100bmp heartbeat that she's experiencing!*melts & dies*. It's all becoming so magical for her! *hughugs*. What a thrill it is to see people falling in love and they tell you all about it! =p Moohee, im happy for you!Remember, if it feels light,happy and oh-so-perfect, it probably is! Take things slow though, cos you never wana miss the oportunity to soak up all of it before it's gone! *winkswinks nudge nudge*

Well alright that aside. time for some personal reflection. Lately, I think ive been in perpetual ecstacy. I happen to think i might be mad sometimes. I dont quite understand myself and this has been one big flaw about yours truly. Alright, maybe its just this period of stress and uncertainties lingering in me now.It must be!

I hope i'll be alright in due time.

Then again, I have mixed feelings about the 29th of Nov. Yeah, exams would be over and all but that would also mean being 100% devoted to planning and sorting out the Retreat camp. Stressful balls. There's just so many things about the REtreat that i fear. Leadership roles simply suit not me. i really think so. *sigh sigh* I need more prayers than an average girl. Im sub average. How? I am more stress about the coming Retreat than i am for my ongoing exams. I cannot disappoint. It's an inter university Retreat! How stressful is that?!

What mix feelings i have about my coming freedom. How unnatural ! How unnatural!
I have a to-do list for this short little holiday that's coming. It's not a 'long and impossible to achieve' kind. Just that its a..'i need a lot of moolah kind'? heehee. Money is the root of all evil i tell you. It's just so scary to see how people puts money into such importance that..they can lose sight of themselves. *pouts*

Shall come up with a to-do list soon.

Can you remind me to remind myself to study and stop blogging?
I am more distracted than i thought i would ever be...


Kick my ass,someone.

Posted by Joanne at 01:57 | Permalink

Here goes my randomness ...

~~Today, i spent some $70 in a matter of less than 3hrs. Shopping is therepeutic,so is eating my favourite congee at crystal jade.It's been my wish to marry a rich man so that i can eat that daily. I know i am building castles in the air.The rich man will never appear in the near future.Then again, who says i was gona get married in the near future? Maybe i should say tt i want a rich bf. Sounds more fitting at this pint in time. So everyone out there,if you're rich, please be my friend? haha.


~~ I enjoy eating my own sandwiches. I just bought more tuna at the supermarket.


~~I think i need to either maintain or lose weight in order not to grow outta my new clothes. I love that top. Despite my voluptous-not chest, i still think that small bust CAN be embraced. so sexy! Self love should be a prophecy that all of us lead by!Mango's new season has pretty nice buys. Just that i have moolah issues. I need to be blind-folded when i shop in mango.I always walk out with something. Seriously, my 19years of learning seem to have failed at teaching me self control and finances management.

~~ toothache tragic.

~~ Complexion's bad. Age is catching up on me.

~~My cousins' baptism today. It was a joy to see more people becoming my Godsister and Godbrother.Well i kinda enjoyed today's sermon. The priest mentioned about living life for others.Cool. It struck me a great deal. I was wondering if i have been doing this? And how am i suppose to know what im doing is living my life for others? what i was more disturbed was the fact that sometimes, i wonder if my accommodating nature and coy self is a form of living life for others? I may not look too coy but well, I should think i am. *sigh* I happen to think that i am too nice sometimes. I care too much about what others think and in the process i kinda lose sight of myself. I feel the need to please everyone around me that it becomes very difficult to turn anyone down in any sense. Are all these living a life for others? So perplexing. Consequently, i think the priest wasn't referring to all my thoughts. So, my interpretation of his sermon is obviously wrong.His words kinda triggered me to think of everything else and not what he really meant,which was to live a God-like life.

~~Today, i found a new Heng Hua friend. How cool is that?

~~When i saw my granny today, I felt guilty. It was as though i havent visited her for years. She didn't seem to recognize me. Why? Well, she said i grew taller!She's shrinking, so i seem to look taller!

~~Im bleeding excessively this month. If i die, rmb that i want to be burried,not cremated. I am scared of fire.

~~When i went town today,after eons of absence there, i could feel the xmas yuletide spirit. This period of time has always been the oh-so-perfect. I liked the feeling of shopping with my besties during xmas in the past few years. This year, i wonder if it'll be the same again? Please say yes my loves.I cannot live without all of you. We do the stupidest of things. I like! Although all of ya have ya respectives, you pple never fail to think of ya fren here who is happily swinging single. Friends are indeed for life. I will never wana lose my friends.


~~ Been feeling cold lately.


~~ Talked to Nic,i cannot help but feel a little upset about the whole load of bull she told me. People like her make me think that love deceives. Especially when it comes to a sucker-for-love person that i am, im more cautious than ever. Once beaten,twice shy. Life is still good . Talking to her makes me feel that I dont need to bring another person into my life. I cringe at the idea of broken hearts.I'll never let another person upset me . I told you i love myself too much!

~~ My cousin just told me that the Bali trip is cancelled. How shitty. I hope to get out of singapore this holiday.My parents cannot even grant me that hope.Who can? *sigh* I really hate this. I am always somewhere holidaying in dec.Seems like this year,even malaysia spells impossible. I wana go vietnam with my folks! Sigh. How can they do this to me? *sighsigh*


~~Christmas Wish 2005: I want to get out of singapore.Somewhere further than Malaysia would be good. Grant me my wish Mr Santa Claus.

~~ havent eaten right portions of vege and fruits lately.Very damaging for health. Im feeling abit unhealthy suddenly.


Randomness spurs creativity.Everyone should become a crazy random girl!

Posted by Joanne at 23:00 | Permalink

Things were at a point of perfection. Such that it becomes a feeling that perhaps someone deprived, lacking a warm heart would consider dreams built upon lasting emotions. The kinda feeling that 'I wish time will standstill and not slip by me'. Maybe im too emotional about this but if that's what my brain is telling my fingers to type, I hardly am gona punch on the "backspace" key on my keyboard just to re-adjust my thoughts. It was really one of those times that you feel , almost extremely so glad our paths crossed no matter where it's gona head to. Now that I've given myself away on this little virtual space, you think im all happy and floating. I shall add that, all fantasies that shall/did ever happen to me, always ended the wrong way.

I am a jinx. I should never have been part of the fantasy you created for me.

Occasionally, Once in awhile, more often than not.. and let's come straight to the point that, Im a jinx. I think I bring bad luck to people. Such misfortunes are made more distraughting when you consider the fact that you're a jinx to a damage that will cost some $900.

Yes, Joanne's Just Jinx. Amazing how the alphabets are illiterative. Hope I got that right though. Sigh. Well you could say that I didn't cause all the damage at all but somehow, I know that the jinx-ness and evil little spirits that reside in this sad soul of mine must have caused it to happen. I cannot but feel sorry. I know I didn't cause the accident but I also know that, things might probably be better if I weren't a jinx. Sigh. Im so guilty, guilty as charged. Exams in a day's time and I had to cause all these damages. To think that, the night was more than a dream come true.

Joanne, you really suck.

The toothache doesn't help.
And Im having diahorrea, from not eating anything.
If im not a jinx, everyone is a birthright fairy.

Turn back time?
I would love to, if the damage wasn't done.
Turn back time?
Gladly, cos I never felt so special for so long.
Turn back time?
Give us back the car's windscreen.


Im really sorry, Boss.
I know I promised to blog it for ya, but I guess im coming from a different angle even after blogging. I cannot believe you're all bouncy about all these. You're really the boss.

How can I forget a yesterday that was made so right?

Posted by Joanne at 14:47 | Permalink

My toothache is driving me bananas.
Sitting here to study with a toothache is,trust me, challenging.

I cant even do my trademark pout now cos any movement of my lower jaw makes me go bananas. *poutspoutsPOUTS!*


Harry Pottering tonight.
Exciting!

Back to work *pouts*

I like to pout a lot.
..and i want to be thinner.
*pouts*

Posted by Joanne at 14:57 | Permalink

After a long and Hard day,
I wish that i could lie on the comforts of my bed,
and hear the words, i've been longing.
I wish that i could whine,
and know that you'll give me your ears.
I wish that somehow, i could collapse in your embrace,
and let you take charge of myself.

Maybe i just wish, for a wall that will never give way.
Someone who'll never give up on me.


Idealism should never be made known to me.

*pouts*

Posted by Joanne at 23:25 | Permalink

This is gonna be quite cool.
Unlike my younger days, the family is now going holidays without its members.
Which reminds me that i haven't gone holiday with the WHOLE family for the 3rd year alrdy.
So this time round, the folks are going Vietnam without their princess.
I don't know if i am upset that they are going on holidays during my exams.
I used to think it was inconsiderate but now, i cannot feel anymore.
I would love to go on holidays with them but i think they cannot do it my way anymore? haha. Think backpacking.
Anyhow, Im currently very disturbed by a decision i have to make by tmr.
Should i go Bali with my cousins? It's a fantastic bargain by SQ and what's more, the idea of being anywhere else but Singapore sounds tempting as always. I'll be flying off like 4hrs after my last paper. So cool, bringing my luggage to the exam hall and rushing to airport thereafter? Im quite a superwoman!
Everything else seems to be perfect. Im sponsored and i have the time.
The only reason why i am in a fix is cos it'll be my 3rd time going Bali in 5 years.
Is that too frequent?It probably isn't but i was just thinking if i could better utilise the moolah and go bangkok instead, since i am a loser who hasn't been there since it opened its economy to be a shopping paradise. Help!
I think what's interesting about this Bali trip would be that it's gon be a 'backpacking' concept? YES! I heard that we're staying in hostels. I am trying to imagine how rugged i can get seeing that those cousins of mine have been to the most exotic places in this world to backpack b4. Think silk road and India.

How? Should I go ahead with Bali? *pouts*

Another bothering issue would probably be that the responsibility of the Retreat will be shifted over to Meow for awhile.Somehow i think that this preparation period is crucial. Then again, i'll be back by 5th Dec. *poutspouts*

Something more trivial but nonetheless impt is my movie date of watching Harry Potter! *beamsbeams* I want to watch movie SO badly, you have no idea. I am proud to tell the world that the last movie i watched was in July during Art's Orientation Week. Laughing at me right? I think i am one of the saddest girls around. Talk about suitors . I have one of the lousiest ones around. Like what my bimbos put it, these suitors all made it to my Archives, at least.Nothing very glam to be in Joanne's Archives actually.k, shant elaborate more.


So, Can someone please tell me if i should go Bali?

Terribly indecisive.

Posted by Joanne at 18:33 | Permalink

My thoughts are so disorganised. When im happy,it happens.
More than happy in fact.Like if you put me on a continum, i am at the positive side of the pole. =) Perhaps even like smiling in my sleep? ok maybe that's abit too much. Not like it is very difficult to make me happy. Unless of cos you really are lousy!

How amused with myself.I was tired to my bones from ytd's workout and yet i was only on my bed at 7am this morning. Sleeping has been quite unheard of this week but i am not complaining.=) and no, i wasnt mugging or burning the midnight oil. I've lost the capacity to do that. Hmm..what can make me so happy?

I have to repeat this, im truly ecstatic.
You know joyful jolly merry glad pleased delighted thrilled content fortunate felicitous elated satisfied. Ok i think if i could put all
my knowledge of happiness from the thesaurus here , i might. But yes, i've attempted to illustrate the ecstacy in me.. im truly in undeniable happiness.

Hmm, what can this happiness be about? *nudge nudge winks winks*

Maybe i should just leave it to your imagination.
Im sorry but i am selfish and dont wish to share the happiness.
Some things are just better left within my skins.


Sometimes i think and imagine too much. I pretend too much.Worse,i delude myself.Then again, mostly its just for fun. We need to cultivate humour and innovation to our grey matters or else, life is next to boring. But then, although i really enjoy all these silly things tt i do, i am down-to-earth and i THINK alot.

Whatabout now?
A lot of things. You know when you talk to people, you learn about the lives others lead and basically you just have heart-to-heart talk kinda conversation. I think it's actually quite a task to talk to someone abt the hearty issues. Like, many of us just close ourselves up and get all suspicious of everyone most of the time. For me, well in all honesty, i have nothing much to hide in my life and if you want to have a piece of it, i'll be glad to talk about it. Perhaps if i really dislike you and know that you have ill motives then i'll prob tell you to get lost. hmm..do i have pple i dislike? Not really. I always imagine that the world is perfect and we should all be nice to one anohter. Idealistic 19 yr old. Not a crime what.

I like heart-to-heart talks.Especially when you know that the person is listening with his heart. I don't know if it's bad to be trusting,but i do know that i trust everyone all the same and i would like to believe that you don't betray this privilege. My mum always tells me to be careful of the world out there. She paints realities and tell me how i should stop being idealistic and wake up my ideas. I guess i can identify with her. Anyway, i always wonder if i trust people too easily. I always wonder if i am too kind for the harsh world out there. No, i am not trying to say i am nice but let's just say i can trust others,but i don't trust my own judgement to see if i have done the right things . alright, i am abit confused now. haha.

Just some thoughts. Usually, when you have heart-heart talks, you cant help but feel SOMETHING. K let's not be shallow and think that its like sparks of romance but more like, " i think i like the frequency we share." It's not too easy to find commonalities among us seeing that we're all made different. I found some 5 friends in sec sch whom i will die for if i have to. Found 2-3 in JC and in uni, its but only the beginning. Despite this,I must say that CSS has one of the best and down-to-earth pple ard and im glad that i've actually met Meow. Moohee has probably been a gem which was never discovered in JC?haha. Alas, i don't have many friends but a lot of acquaintances.This is what happens to most us.New friendships are always exciting regardless of which sex. I honestly think so. This reminds me about what alvin once said about friendships. His is more lke how a relationship develops from a crush/friendship. Much as i agree in totality, i also happen to believe that if fate doesnt swing with you, everything will just be a thunderstorm and you've just gotta wait for those grey clouds to clear. REcently, i've made some new friends. Some are just Bobpa's frens whom i don really haf any inclinations for. Others are just passer-bys. And one in particular, hmmm i dont know how to classify but i am just very fortunate that our paths crossed. I thought it was just one of those acquaintances again. But somehow, my instincts tell me it isn't and that what we share is worth a go in all aspects. Of course,i hope that my gullible trait will not disappoint me . What do you think ?


How wrong can it get ?

I thought that ryan cabrera's True is somewhat reflective. Im not thinking too much into it but these words are flashing within.

..Im weak
its true
..cause Im afraid to know the answer..


Then my itunes went on to play Celine Dion's Tell Him..

Im scared
So afraid...
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if...
...Life can be so cruel
I dont know what to do.


Woman of insecurities, I am.

Posted by Joanne at 21:00 | Permalink

pause,breathe,think and smile

amazing how sometimes you just want time to come to a standstill.
pause,breathe,think and smile.Sometimes i forget if i am breathing,literally.

So let me take a breather now.

Past few days of studying at central lib had been satisfactory only.
I wasn't disgustingly hard at work neither was i slacking too much,i think.
Like i said, you'll be very glad that i am part of your bell curve. =)
The week went by too fast,too furious for me to recall much of the little library experiences i had besides for a few pretty pleasant surprises here and there.From meeting perverts to receiving sweet nothings from strangers. i wonder what the library has become these days =) Then again, things like that allows you to pause,breathe,think and smile
. In the midst of all these exam stress, it's always a bonus to have such incentives for you to look forward to. Incentives? hurhur.. i have my own dirty lilttle secret of what such may be. Of course im not screaming for attention in school.i dont have to and i dont believe in attracting attention.But i do respect girls who have that skill sometimes. Guts, i give it to them. Then again, i must confess that i may be in a world of my own to be careless about the surroundings hence might create a "world-of-my-own" attention.Which is? =)


I was wondering if i really am prepared for my paper.A reality that will dawn upon me in 6days.I have always been known to be a coolfunkynerd.haha.No doubts about liking that name that my bestfriend and i gave ourselves some 3years ago. Anyhow, I think my drive to study has always been quite powerful though i may look 30% lazy,40%bimbotic, 20% clueless and 10% gullibl.My drive is somewhere hanging there still just that whenever i think back about the day i collected my A's, the hardwork then somewhat reflected that i am perhaps afterall,interllectually impaired. If you would love to put me down, just remind me of that. I think the wound is still raw,sadly. Oh well, why are we sounding morbid again. I need a mentra to keep me going. Seems like Corinna and I found one yesterday! This reminds me, let's pause,breathe,think and smile!


This morning's with bobpa and moohee at guild house was a joy.As much as i should have been nursing the periodic headache which i got from thurs, i didn't want to be a wet blanket. Gym-ing was quite tiring as bobpa thinks that Moohee and i are going through BMT and actully had a schedule for us to follow!? He always reminds us about the hottest bod of every gal blah blah blah.How he could give us the best lean legs in town and the flattest tummy ever.How we'll make heads turn not once,but multiple times. But i really felt like a jelly fish after all the weight liftings. At some point in time, I know i should just snap back into reality and realise this, " Joanne, you were never well endowed to begin with." What is the point of having the leanest legs and tummy but i am nothing more than an airport runway on my chest? Oh well, this is what i call deluding my self image. Then again, which girl don't want to be a head turner?

After which, yours sincerely just willingly provided some 1hr of entertainment and laughter for the both of them. Well, we were swimming. Ok, i don't quite acquire that skill in life so i was waddling? haha. So bobpa was trying to teach me freestyle and im afriad that he might have had died of high blood pressure ? hehe. You cant blame me,i really have poor coordinating skills.I cannot kick and swing my arms simaltaneously.It's one of those things which i classify as difficult. So he was going on about how i should kick hard,move my left arm,then right arm simultaneously with my head tilted to breathe.Guess what? My actions were independent of each other! If i breathe, i cannot move my right arm.If i move my right arm,i cant breathe? Either that or i do both and don't kick. So what happens? I looked like a living piece of humour artefact. =) I probably just allowed myself to be laughed at again. Oh well, i provide a lot of entertainment sometimes. =)

Bobpa says that if i decide to take up the guild house undergraduate memberhsip,i must learn swimming from him and Moohee.I have this feeling that i'll be nothing more than being a laughing ornament somehow! Oh well,stupid bobpa, he probably just enjoys holding my hands to guide me in the strokes.. =p Must be! If not for the fact that he is my jiemei, it'll be goddamnpaiseh to be learning my strokes from him.ughh.

Alrite, supper time with my newbie..
though we haven't even thought of a place to go.
How cool is this? Say meet then meet!
pause,breathe,think and smile

Exciting!

Posted by Joanne at 23:38 | Permalink

Happy 23rd Sis!

Happy things always happen but when it happens to me,they come in ONE bulk.Ironically,i thought i was quite hopeless seeing that i have had many grey thoughts the past few nights. So, the combat effect of last night and today's cosy little family dinner made me feel loved all over again. yes, i am easily pleased.I am THAT hopeless. This is really not very far from the truth.

I expected Rice Table to be in typical buffet style but it turned out to be ala carte buffet .All the more better for some lazy big ass person like me who hates to move around to get food. This moving around appears very much like a squirrel digging for food into those buffet trays. =) I expected the food to be spicy enough for my lips to turn sausage as well.It probably was very spicy?yours sincerely wasn't adventurous enough to try the house chilli and most of the time, she was just satisfied with soup,fish,satay. sounds boring? I guess it was the concept of dining that made that place so hyped up.Other than that, the food is quite ordinary. I may not have tried enough of all the spicy food in this world to judge but seriously, it is but only ordinarily delicious. Then again, nothing will go wrong with crackers. I just ate the whole basket and had evil intentions to doggy bag it home. *grins* Im sucha disgrace to myself sometimes rite.haha. Welcome to my world!


Back to Rice Table,I liked the BIG red beans in the chendol! Im a beany. The Red bean tasted salty for some unknown reasons.Well the birthday girl thinks its due to some diffusion process after having been soaked in salt water. A whole load of bull but quite an intelligent assumption i suppose? =) There's a reason why she has just turned a yr older today!Then again, why did the chef wana soak red beans in salt in the fisrt place? Perhaps i should really reconsider my career path. I really want to learn cooking! I've always had great plans to enrol myself into cookery classes . The calling came when i had A1 for home econs.haha. Then again, I have manymanymany great plans so consequently, my actions reflect not my words .
After dinner activity? What else can i do when you put my in orchard . Though i only had some 30mins left before shops shut their door in my face, i still insisted to dash across from International building to the glorious Zara opposite. I am so proud of my zero accomplishment during the short span of time. =). I usually buy something home,no matter how small, when MR and MRS Lim are around. Tonight,kindness was in me. I felt that i shouldn't steal the limelight and yeah, my sister spent some $120 at Espirit,in <30 mins. Working clothes are just unbelievably expensive. Seems like I should still hold on to my taitai dream aiihght? =) My convenient escape from reality,it always works!


Im appreaciating the few pple who haf stumbled upon all my sad posts and sent me well wishes! *smiles smiles* It's common how your soul and your physical self do not reside in the same body sometimes.Therefore the posts, but yet the somewhat faint smiles you see on my fat face.


and i have not forgotten this,

F-father
A-and
M-mother
I-i
L-love
Y-you

I love my family! in all sense of that word.

Posted by Joanne at 01:17 | Permalink

Dining at munchies was heavenly,for once.
Gelare was good,exceptionally.It's been a long time since i had tt.Strangely, i always haf gelare with the same kinda pple. oh well. get wad i mean.
Been quite deprived of good food.Basically, been deprived of entertainment.
A ride home sounded really nice too. *beams*
My new friend is really quite nice. =)

Im not in love.
It's a magic.

Sometimes, I tend to judge.Too quick, far too quick. Too furious for my own good.
Now, I wonder if i will see myself falling.
Why do i always feel this way when everything seem so right yet so wrong?

Take me away from my insecurity.I think the worse of myself all the time. I look all happy but i think my soul is very much departed. lurking in sadness perhaps? I don't know. I wish i could understand myself more.

I forget that the deeper i fall, the more i'll hurt,if ever.

Please constantly remind me that.

Posted by Joanne at 01:05 | Permalink

...Tried and tried, but he never could escape her
She was in love and I'd ask her how? I mean why?
What kind of love would black your eye?
What kind of love make you cry?
What kind of love make you wish he would die?
I mean shit he bought you things and gave you diamond rings
But the things wasn't worth none of the pain that he brings
And you stayed, what made you fall for him?
He had the power to make you crawl for him
That wasn't love, babygirl you were dreamin'...

Checked out gin's space and I felt so horrible for my playmate.I can emphatise with the crumbling world upon her and whatever she epitomises about the cruelty of a relationship. *shrugs* It sucks to have to pick up from the remains of what seem to be gone forever, if there are even remains. Yet, in the midst of all this torment, she is sitting for the cambridge gateway to a bright future. For her,she thinks that it has already promised her a bleak future. Seeing all the pain she's in, i wished i was the person going through it. I know i wouldnt be any better in sorting myself out in any sense neither would i be able to accept the fatal truth, but ...because i have been through a mirrored situation, i feel the need to rescue my playmate. Love is overrated. Im not saying this because i am out of love. My opinion stands even if i were to be married now. why? Well, is anything even perfect to begin with? Even the best fall down sometimes.Even the stars dont shine on my loomiest night.

And i get affected by people around me ever so readily. When the world is not smiling, i always remember to frown. When everything is in shades of grey, my grey thoughts surface too. I was brushing my hair and i noticed that i dropped some 50strands of hair.They were black. What would happen if my head were greying?*sigh* ok very irrelevant but still.Greying issues.

My point is simple though it doesnt seem so. Im affected by things very easily. Im not sensitive. I just take everything to be of utmost importance that i often lose sight of the true essence of what really is.

Not a very expressive person because i just cannot photocopy my thoughts into a literary. I just want to say that, no matter how insignificant something/someone is in my life, i get very affected by the slightest shade of grey that looms.Look at those hair which i dropped.


I recalled the purpose of setting up this blog.
I felt tears in the sockets.
I held back.
only to realise that : you just have to let go.

When i hurt, i smile.
You told me to smile, for i never know who is falling in love with my smile.

i believe you fell in love with a smile that has greyed, unfortunately.

And why am i so nostalgic? I told you i get affected by things around me easily.
Maybe afterall, I haven't forgotten you.
I've only started to remeber.

I hope you are doing good.

Posted by Joanne at 00:21 | Permalink

dont like this.
dont like to see my bestfrens in tension.
dont like.
dont want to lost anyone of them.
afriad i might have to.
did this have to happen?

love is irrational.
abstract.
deceiving.
tragic.

if i could stop u,i wouldn't be your friend.
because ure my friend, i could stop you.
because I could not, ure still the friend i wished i could stop.
i love you still.
and our friendship will not falter because of your blind pursuits.

blind pursuits.

Posted by Joanne at 01:50 | Permalink

The First part of the night! A Picture paints a thousad words. I jus did.

The last that i had a Halloween dress-up party was nearly 5yrs ago. We were sec 2 then. Thinking back of the past, I cannot help but feel damn old. I wonder what I've been doing in these 5years. Well, last night was enough to make up for all the 5 years..somewhat? Not too positively, especially the second part of the night at Zouk.

Firstly, queueing for some 2hrs to get into Zouk is probably the greatest extent that i will ever go for clubbing..AND to be rejected at the door,hence paying $25 to get in. It'll be dumb if i had queued so long and not went in. Ah well, i never intended to.. due to some unforseen circumstances that i had to b at zouk. sigh.I knew i should never be part of a crowd.I hate crowds.who likes? I was perspiring in my costume!How gross is that.

On a lighter note, it was really an eye opener for me. Seeing all the costumes that those party-goers were clad in, i was both amused and entertained.Then again, I was and still am very sour about last night. I swear not to go zouk in the next one month!

Alright time to self destruct before i piss my room-mate off.

But...

He really looks very cute in glasses. =)

Posted by Joanne at 00:17 | Permalink